Report: Corpse of Norb Hecker Said To Be Favorite For Falcon's Head Coaching Position

Sources close to the Atlanta Falcon's front office are saying that the most likely candidate to fill the team's head coaching position will be the remains of their first coach, Norb Hecker. 


After getting a "Thanks, but no thanks" from Rex Ryan, Todd Bowles, Dan Quinn, Teryl Austin, Adam Gase, Josh McDaniel, Mike Shanahan, Chan Gailey, Rob Ryan, Marty Mornhinweg, David Shula, Herm Edwards, Rich Kotite, Kevin Gilbride, Romeo Crennel, George Seifert, the entire Schottenheimer family, Jim Haslett, Eric Mangini, Sean Payton's barber, Todd Haley, Dom Capers, Norv Turner, Jim Schwartz, Steve Spagnuolo, Lane Kiffin, Raheem Morris, and Gene Hackman's character from "The Replacements", the Atlanta head coaching vacancy, considered by experts to be the most desirable landing spot for a head coach, may be filled very soon.  


Falcon's owner Arthur Blank is said to be "greatly impressed" by Hecker's "old school toughness". 


"I mean...he's dead, for much more old school tough can you be?"


Hecker, who passed awayin 2004 after playing a key role on eight NFL Championship teams, was unavailable for comment, as his deathness makes it impossible for him to address the media without the aid of a psychic or fancy electronic equipment. 


Most recently. the Falcons were reported to have offered the job to two-time Falcons coach Marion Campbell. Blank reportedly went to to offer a three-year contract to Campbell, who yelled, from his rocker on the porch, that Blank should "Get the hell off my lawn". 


More details as they become available. 






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